wandering queer

brouillon, dans le désordre et au crayon gris

My racism (etc) 17 juillet 2016

Quelques posts qui ont retenu mon attention ces derniers temps sur mon fil d’info sur face de bouc, pour celleux qui ne l’ont pas. Parce que récemment, on a parlé IRL avec des copines de ces thèmes-là, et je me suis rendue compte que sans fb je lirais beaucoup moins sur ce thème. Parce que je veux partager ces discussions avec elles. Pour que celles qui lisent l’anglais traduisent aux autres.

C’est beaucoup des articles nord américains, parce que le contexte de ces derniers semaines là bas a fait surgir beaucoup de paroles là dessus. ça n’est pas une raison pour se distancier et pour ne pas le prendre pour nous.

(not-translation: i don’t publish much anymore, but at least i’ll put there some of the interesting articles that i see in my feed, for the fb-deprived 😉 )



My Racism: My Harmful Attempts To Be One Of The « Good Whites »


The author takes the suggestion made by Tawnia Denise Anderson : « White people, you have heard it said that you must talk to other white people about racism, and you must. But don’t talk to them about their racism. Talk to them about YOUR racism. (…). Don’t make it « their » problem. Understand it as your problem, because it is.« , and she talks about her racism.

Both the whole quote and the article are worth thinking about.



7 et 8 juillet : morts d’Alton Sterling et Philando Castile, deux Noirs tués par la police.


(maintenant on en est à 117, que je sache…)

Girlfriend who live streamed Philando Castile shooting speaks

Aux US : L’homme qui a été tué parce qu’il sortait ses papiers de sa poche, dans sa voiture, lors d’un controle de police. Sa petite-amie a filmé, elle raconte comment ça s’est passé


un post d’une meuf, Kelly Diels, sur fb, que je copie/colle :

My husband, my son.

One night, when I was pregnant, my husband went out to get gas. We’re Canadian and it was our weekly habit to go across the border to the US to fill up. We liked to do that late Sunday nights because there’s no line-up at the border. But I was pregnant and not feeling or sleeping well, so I went to bed and he went for gas.

He phoned me at 11pm, just as I’d finally fallen asleep. He was upset. He’d been pulled over in the US for speeding.

I was irritated. You woke me up for that? Pay the ticket and move on.

In the morning I opened my eyes and he was laying on his side looking at me. He’d obviously been awake for a while.

« Baby, » he said, « I was scared. »

It was 2014. Michael Brown, Eric Gardner. He saw the police officer walking up to the car with his hand on the gun.

Before the officer even got to the car, my husband had run through the sequence. He’d laid out the insurance papers and his driver’s license on the dash. He’d taken down his hoodie. He had the windows rolled down and his hands clearly visible on the steering wheel. He didn’t want to have to make any sudden movements or any movements at all.

Because he was scared.

And then, after he got the ticket – the officer was kind, polite – my husband called me. He was coming down off the scared, you know?

And I was irritated. I didn’t get it.

And I live with him. I love him.

I didn’t get it because I’ve never, ever felt that fear or had to go through that sequence. It has never occurred to me when an officer approaches the car that I might die.

This is reality for black and brown people. They are not safe – not even from the people who are supposed to keep us all safe – and they know it.

This is my husband and my son and they are your brothers.



5 juillet : Pride de Toronto

Lors de la pride, le mouvement Black Lives Matter, qui était invité d’honneur, a bloqué la pride 30 mn pour interpeller l’orga sur son racisme et obtenir des promesses signées. ça a marché (même si depuis… bref), voilà leur site avec toutes les infos, les demandes, et la video de ces meufs et queers super powerful qui prennent la parole alors qu’on les hue.


allez hop c’est tout pour l’instant, bonnes lectures.


Diet fads are destroying us: Paleo, gluten-free and the lies we tell ourselves 24 janvier 2016

hiiiii! i just found this article and i’m so glad. i have a thing with diets, the moment you start talking about how this or that diet is so interesting, i cringe, want to shout and/or leave the room*. right, it’s an emotional reaction more than an intellectual one, and because of that, i soon find myself apologizing, explaining that i have my own, personal, fucked up relationship to food, and this is why i overreact, don’t take my position too seriously.

well, sorry, but yes, actually, please do. if you give me a chance, and there is no diet worshipper around, i will have tons of things to say about diets. and this article both brings a critical view on the gluten-free trend and articulates links between modern « scientific » diets and religion, which is something i didn’t even hope for. must read.

*well, if i want to be honest, what would be even more satisfying would be to throw a huge, burning, disgustingly fat, 4-cheese gluten-full pizza on your face, but i’m well behaved, right? so i’ll leave the room

Diet fads are destroying us: Paleo, gluten-free and the lies we tell ourselves

The author of « The Gluten Lie » on our fruitless search for clean living, and why we’re so quick to scoff at science

full article here : http://www.salon.com/2015/05/03/diet_fads_are_destroying_us_paleo_gluten_free_and_the_lies_we_tell_ourselves_partner/


Reached by Skype, Levinovitz spoke with The Cubit about paleo dieters, grain-free monks, and why Fitbit represents a cultural descent into profound moral vacuity.

You’re a scholar of classical Chinese religions. How’d you end up writing about gluten?

Over two thousand years ago, there were these proto-Taoist monks in China who advocated strongly for a grain-free diet. [They claimed that] you could live forever. You could avoid disease. You could fly and teleport. Your skin would clear up.

I saw this countercultural rejection of grains, and then I saw almost the exact same thing, with the same kinds of hyperbolic claims, happening again with books like Grain Brain and Wheat Belly. And I thought to myself, you know, it’s funny, people are trying to debunk these fad diets with scientific evidence, but what they’re not realizing is that really these beliefs aren’t scientific at all. They’re wrapped in scientific rhetoric, but ultimately they’re quasi-religious beliefs that are based on superstition and myth.

Food rituals, food taboos, dietary demons, dietary myths, magic diets, guilt, sin: why do we apply so much religious language to food?

Virtually ever religious tradition has had food taboos and sacred diets. I think part of the reason is that food is something that we have direct control over. It crosses the boundary in a very personal way: we take something outside of our body and put it into our body. Eating is very personal, and it’s easy to invest those kinds of things with religious and ritual significance.

(…)read the full article


POC + mental health: a few readings 14 juin 2015

recently i’ve been tired of

– hearing from POC that the issues around mental health (trauma, self care, depression…) are white issues. (i mean, wait, are you saying POC don’t have mental health issues?? or that they don’t do anything about it?? er, i don’t believe that)

– and simultaneously realizing everything i read about mental health issues is written by white people or predominently white groups, or at least never explicitely links these issues with race.  (Oh, wait, would these 2 points be linked maybe?…)

ahem. time to look for readings somewhere else, maybe?…

so i started by BlackGirlDangerous because i love them. Here is a little selection, most i haven’t read yet. i’ve only read « loving each other wounded ». I thought i’d share, though, so we have food for thought and further discussions. if you have other good readings to suggest, please do!

Loving Each Other Wounded: 5 Essential Questions for Healthy QTPOC Love by CarmenLeah Ascencio

The Science of Resilience: What The World Can Learn From QTPoC Survivors of Domestic Violence  by Maisha Z. Johnson

How to Participate in the Movement When You’re in a Funkby Maisha Z. Johnson

Healing From Trauma As a Person of Colour: 3 Things I’ve Learnt As a Queer Black Boyby Travis A.

What’s Missing When We Talk About Self-Care (Ask BGD 1) Mia McKenzie and CarmenLeah Ascencio

You Can Be Loved: For Those of Us Who Live With Mental Illnessby Princess Harmony Rodriguez

and a very quick search on the rest of the internet gives things such as :

People of Color & Mental Illness Photo Project  by Dior Vargas, Latina Feminist Mental Health Activist

The Color of Hope: POC Mental Health Narratives

and also this search reminded me of that fabulous performer and thinker named Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha. e.g. here :

“My Body is Not a Liability” – Interview with Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

and as for how it can be a « white only » issue, i found 1 thing but havent looked much more. it’s a start!

Mental Health Issues Are Not Just “White People Problems”  by Trina Young

ok! is that enough reading for now? enjoy 🙂


de la lecture pour un dimanche de pluie 30 novembre 2014

ouh bin i fait moche didon. c’est l’heure de faire une tisane, de se caler sous la couette, et de lire plein de trucs. par exemple…


   – Black Girl Dangerous, encore et toujours…

notamment deux articles récents,

* un sur les manifestations, aux etatsunis, à la suite du meurtre de Michael Brown par la police, et ce que les medias considèrent comme « violent » (indice : pas le meurtre de Noir-e-s par la police)


* et un d’une meuf queer Asian American, sur le fait que les blanches lui reprochent souvent d’avoir « trop confiance en elle »


   – tiens, sur Michael Brown encore,

pour les blanch-e-s et les autres qui se veulent des « allié-e-s » des Noir-e-s en ce moment



   – une bédé en français

sur une gamine assignée garçon à la naissance – c’est  drole, c’est mignon, et c’est pédagogique



   – pendant ce temps là à toulouse,

l’expo sur les violences masculines prévue pour être affichée pour la journée du 25 novembre a été annulée, parce que…trop « vulgaire et immorale ». pardon ? tu sais que c’est pas de la fiction cette bédé, mais notre quotidien ? c’est quoi qui te choque ? c’est qu’on vive ça, ou bien qu’on te le dise ? ça me permet de (re)mettre le lien vers le blog dont sont tirées les planches de l’expo : projet crocodiles


   – à propos de « harcelement de rue »,

qui semble être le truc à la mode à dénoncer absolument (le projet crocodiles n’y échappe pas, j’ai l’impression que son bouquin édité s’est concentré là dessus, alors que le blog témoigne aussi beaucoup de violence de la part de proches), un petit article pour remettre les choses à leur place :

« Alors oui, je sais, il y a les “ouaich la miss” et les “madmouazel, t’es très très charmante”. Mais il n’y a pas de mystères les gens : si les banlieusards et les scarlas sont un peu en avance sur le harcèlement de rue, c’est que la harcèlement de bureau et le harcèlement de bar sont déjà pris. C’est qu’en fait, les banlieusards et les scarlas, on n’a pas trop envie de les voir ailleurs que dans la rue. Les banlieusards, les lascars et les ouaichs investissent l’espace qu’on leur laisse. Je ne dis pas que leur sexisme est moins grave ou moins violent. Je dis qu’il serait temps d’arrêter de ne parler que de celui-ci. Pendant qu’on s’acharne sur celui-ci, celui-là [blanc/bourgeois] s’assied, déplie ses jambes et s’installe. »

l’article: Du caractère polymorphe et multicolore du relou en milieu urbain


   – et puis tiens,

rions (?) un peu avec des photos de racisme « accidentel » (?) : 19 cases of accidental racism



flippons un peu avec le placement de produits personnalisé dans les films


et, euh, bon dimanche !



navigating the kink community as a QPOC 6 novembre 2014

je reposte un article intéressant que je viens de trouver.

 »  The first time I went to a play party, it was a kink party. I was just looking around with no intention to play. A white woman asked if she could flog me [hit with a flogger, which is a multi-tasseled whip]. I was so surprised. I thought, “You’re a white woman telling me you want to whip me? Don’t you know what that means?”  « 

( traduction : la première fois que je suis alléE à une play party, c’était une party BDSM. J’étais juste là pour regarder, sans intention de jouer. Une femme blanche m’a demandé si elle pouvait me fouetter (avec un martinet). J’ai été tellement surprisE. J’ai pensé « tu es une femme blanche et tu es en train de me dire que tu veux me fouetter ? est-ce que tu sais ce que ça veut dire ? »)


The Play Party Survival Guide and Kink Toolkit for Queer People of Color
ELIXHER chatted with Ignacio Rivera, activist and sex educator, about combating shame and preconceived notions around practicing kink and navigating kink communities as a queer person of color.

Non Violent Communication can hurt people 13 juillet 2014

this text is interesting. it doesn’t say things the way i would have, but it sums up some of the problems with NVC.
Also i havent wandered around the blog but the title makes me want to (« social skills for autonomous people »).

taken from here :



People who struggle interpersonally, who seem unhappy, or who get into a lot of conflicts are often advised to adopt the approach of Nonviolent Communication.

This is often not a good idea. Nonviolent Communication is an approach based on refraining from seeming to judge others, and instead expressing everything in terms of your own feelings. For instance, instead of “Don’t be such an inconsiderate jerk about leaving your clothes around”, you’d say “When you leave your clothing around, I feel disrespected.”. That approach is useful in situations in which people basically want to treat each other well but have trouble doing so because they don’t understand one another’s needs and feelings. In every other type of situation, the ideology and methodology of Nonviolent Communication can make things much worse.

Nonviolent Communication can be particularly harmful to marginalized people or abuse survivors. It can also teach powerful people to abuse their power more than they had previously, and to feel good about doing so. Non-Violent Communication has strategies that can be helpful in some situations, but it also teaches a lot of anti-skills that can undermine the ability to survive and fight injustice and abuse.

For marginalized or abused people, being judgmental is a necessary survival skill. Sometimes it’s not enough to say “when you call me slurs, I feel humiliated” – particularly if the other person doesn’t care about hurting you or actually wants to hurt you. Sometimes you have to say “The word you called me is a slur. It’s not ok to call me slurs. Stop.” Or “If you call me that again, I’m leaving.” Sometimes you have to say to yourself “I’m ok, they’re mean.” All of those things are judgments, and it’s important to be judgmental in those ways.

You can’t protect yourself from people who mean you harm without judging them. Nonviolent Communication works when people are hurting each other by accident; it only works when everyone means well. It doesn’t have responses that work when people are hurting others on purpose or without caring about damage they do. Which, if you’re marginalized or abused, happens several times a day. NVC does not have a framework for acknowledging this or responding to it.

In order to protect yourself from people who mean you harm, you have to see yourself as having the right to judge that someone is hurting you. You also have to be able to unilaterally set boundaries, even when your boundaries are upsetting to other people. Nonviolent Communication culture can teach you that whenever others are upset with you, you’re doing something wrong and should change what you do in order to meet the needs of others better. That’s a major anti-skill. People need to be able to decide things for themselves even when others are upset.

Further, NVC places a dangerous degree of emphasis on using a very specific kind of language and tone. NVC culture often judges people less on the content of what they’re saying than how they are saying it. Abusers and cluelessly powerful people are usually much better at using NVC language than people who are actively being hurt. When you’re just messing with someone’s head or protecting your own right to mess with their head, it’s easy to phrase things correctly. When someone is abusing you and you’re trying to explain what’s wrong, and you’re actively terrified, it’s much, much harder to phrase things in I-statements that take an acceptable tone.

Further, there is *always* a way to take issue with the way someone phrased something. It’s really easy to make something that’s really about shutting someone up look like a concern about the way they’re using language, or advice on how to communicate better. Every group I’ve seen that valued this type of language highly ended up nitpicking the language of the least popular person in the group as a way of shutting them up.


trigger warning : sur la rhétorique néolibérale de la souffrance, du danger, et du traumatisme 6 juillet 2014

Filed under: capitalism/liberalism,English,LGBTI,queer/transpédégouine — stupidfrog @ 15:35

salut ! bon alors j’écris plus du tout en ce moment, mais tout ce que je lis et qui m’interesse, c’est des trucs autour de l’espace safe quand même. alors, au lieu de la suite promise du texte précédent, voila une petite reflexion à se mettre sous la dent.

bisous !



 » sur la rhétorique néoliberale de la souffrance, du danger et du traumatisme »